Staff Top 10
Top Ten Reasons to Keep on Drinking



number 1. cos it’s only 2am you fucking wimps! There’s at least another bottle of red, and what’s more it’s quite a good one!

2. because i’ve not had this much fun since that time when i was an under grad and i drank so much i crapped myself in the middle of the pub

3. because the barmaid is fine and if i have another three i might give her my number (i’m sure she keeps looking at me – tho this might be because i am clearly drunk and swearing loudly and talking about sex and because i just set my sleeve on fuire)

4. because Word has such a good spellcheck that i can keep writing and still nmot loo like too much for auseless pisshead as it keeps correcting my alcohol-induced typos

5. because it’s three hours since my last beer and i can now feel my head start to tighten up, so if i want to avoid having a waking-day-time hangover i’d better fucking well see it off right now with the aid of several bottles of poncy foreign biottled lager.

6. because i can still remember.

7. because for some reason you’re still receiving emails offering to sell you prescription medicines via the internet despite the fact that you;’re a; 24 and b; quite healthy (apart from your clear and presently dangerous alcohol problem) amd if you drink some more they may go the fuck away.

8. *hic*

9. fuck you

10. because you know why they don’t let pissed people drive, eh? It’s because their perception gets all narrowed and fucked up, right, and they cant see thigns properly and that’s not good, they cant hear things properly either, and then they run over kids and get sent to jail and shit and it gets messy, messy messy – they shouldn’t let pissed people maek music either becuz if yiour pissed all your facultiys go and what makes you thing you nokw what your doing anymore? Eh? Did you not reed that dave queen travis review about geo-alcoholics and beer and rock music? If you don’t stop drinking, right, your going to end up listeing to fucking john meyer and fucking jet for the rerst of your life and whats more you’ll thjinjk its good and techno will scare you because it’s all beeps and blips and you need a pattern to follow man – like when the poluice ask you to walk in a straight line, that;s fucking EASY because there’s a pattern, a line, and you can do THAT, it’s when you have to, i don’t know, cross a road, or talk, or do anything that goes outside of a very easy simple simple simple pattern thet things start getting confuied and scary and nauseus and we cant be doing with that right now so i’ll have another pint please, barman………………..oredfpxvu l.;/………


By: Nick Southall
Published on: 2004-01-09
Comments (6)
 

 
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