(part 2 in an occasional series)

MARC ALMOND & GENE PITNEY - Something’s Gotten Hold Of My Heart

Firstly, yes, this was meant to be ‘Probably A Robbery’ by Renegade Soundwave. But I’ve not had a chance to listen to that properly yet. I’m now more wary of not posting about stuff without having really got a good feel for it (possibly read: without having conned myself into liking it), cos I’ve been listening to the Pop Will Eat Itself track more recently, and have found myself really learning to love it quite a bit, possibly enough to re-appraise it on here in the future.

Instead, though, we have this. Now, this might be a bit of a longshot, but are you listening Sam & Mark? Cos if you are - this song, this song here - you are never going to be this good. Never. Yes, like your only single thus far, it got to #1. Also, like you, it features vocals by two men, both of whom aren’t that fantastic at dancing. It seems a bit obvious to say that this is where the similarities end, but only because it is obviously true.

Let’s start with the way in which neither of you are, or ever will be, Gene Pitney. It more or less goes without saying you will never be associated with anything approaching the quality of his hits that I have heard, which would appear to be ‘Twenty-Four Hours From Tulsa’ and ‘Hello Mary Lou’ (which he wrote and Ricky Nelson had a hit with) but I’d hazard a guess that you won’t ever be as good as the songs that I haven’t heard of his, either.

And sweet fuck you ain’t ever gonna be able to sing like him. In fact, it’s difficult to imagine that any modern pop type could, the only potential candidate I can think of being fellow Pop Idol alumnus Will Young, oddly enough. But he’s not close. This voice… it sounds like Cotton Hill out of King Of The Hill, but not the same, not permanently irate, but rather permanently tormented and anguished. This song has incredible tension to it, especially in the middle of its five minutes, primarily due to the hammering lone drum pulse that runs throughout it, but Pitney has more than a little to do with it too. He’s impossibly dramatic right from the very first note he sings, every vowel sounding like it could simultaneously implode or explode, like every syllable he sings must be accompanied by hand gestures of the most sweeping and violent kind. He’s alternately pleading and proclaiming, from one to the other, like he’s raging on the ramparts as they get stormed by the siege engines. He strangulates, squashes and marmalises every word, and it feels like if anyone else did it it’d be fucking silly, but not here, not here, no, this is fucking incredible.

But don’t forget, this here’s a duet, boys. Like you do, in so far as it’s sung by two people. But the voices aren’t the same, not even close to sounding like each other. You can tell these two apart - it’s called ‘character’. And Almond’s voice, no, it’s not as dramatic as Pitney’s, not quite so distinctive, but in the context of this song it works perfectly. It’s… it feels wrong to describe this as ‘cool’, cos he’s clearly investing a ton of emotion in the venture, but his singing is smoother, yet not necessarily lesser - Pitney’s far more of a show-stopper, but Alomnd’s far from dull himself. And the voices do go together, they back each other up brilliantly, they take the solo verses on fantastically, they pick through the start, get their heads of steam going, then launch themselves together towards the finish, as the strings get louder, Gene’s cracks and tics get even stronger, Almond’s voice just gets bolder and bolder, and it feels like the fastest five minutes of your life. The end comes and is a bit of a disappointment, just falling away, and it’s over all too quickly.

I hadn’t listened to this in a decade before this weekend. I can be a right wally sometimes.